Game 7 hangovers.

The sports loss hangover is a Boston tradition. Years of misery and close calls are as familiar as the recent decade of domination. This week's hangover haze includes "WTF happened to the Celtics?", the jolly Scott Walker sucker punch/game winner and of course David Tyree's catch, which ESPN will probably show every other Sportscenter, for no reason, for the rest of the fucking century (Their new "screw Boston" clip, the number two starter right behind Billy Buckner...a wonderful montage that equates to being kicked in the junk several times over).

So here we have it...if you include Red Sox, we've endured three game seven losses since October. Yawn... and despite playing at ridiculously high levels of competition, making the playoffs in practically every sport, housing MVP's and winning championships were still being crucified. I guess you can look forward to the following symptoms of your hangover...usually at the hands of everyone not rooting for Boston (and from a city where there are no sports teams, or if there are, they suck).

- It is almost a welcome dispute in the work place. There is always one son a bitch from god knows where who hops on whoever's bandwagon. Most of the time they are very un-clever (Wow, I'm totally going to rock a Scott Walker jersey this dress down Friday!), very uninformed (Jeesh, Dwight Howard owned you guys last night!) and probably someone who would sprint to the HR office the second your voice carried over to the next office, cubical, classroom or desk. Choose your words carefully.

- The local news feedback. I'm not sure what's more annoying, Sportscenter displaying Paul Pierce's anorexic numbers for the next two weeks or Channel 5 interviewing random people on the streets of Boston (usually Landsdowne on a Tuesday morning at like 8:45 am) asking them their thoughts on pain of loss. First of all, like this entry post, their report is usually two days overdue, secondly is crawling with nimrods that refer to themselves in sentences starting like "Well, being a Bostonian I feel like...", yes, shit, we know. Get over it. Focus on the next team we have lined up for a stretch run and shut up. Save the "important" Bostonian Freud conversations for your equally moronic significant other. Don't quote Good Will Hunting either. True story: I seriously was asked at Umass Amherst by an un-named female why David Ortiz's helmet had a chinstrap and no one else's did. Granted, this was in 2004...but this is exactly the type of comment ready-made for these interviews. I would kill for a gag reel from Newscenter 5. Decked out in Majestic gear, jonesing for a chance to be texted at 11:34 pm by their friends (OMG I totally saw you!) If your watching the news, change the channel immediately following car accident and homicide coverage, you owe it to yourself (this includes the sports rap on Jamn' 9.45).

- Manny Ramirez took steroids.

- 6:15 pm another clip on Sportscenter, this time Plaxico burning our 2007/2008 secondary, which is hilarious because the most recent story about him is taking a burner to his leg...and that was months ago.

- Stephen A. Smith "I told you so's" and the one and only--Jay Mariotti. A man who practically reaches full Orgasm during "Around The Horn" spars with Bob Ryan. If a question on Boston is raised? He can't dive in fast enough.

- Manny Ramirez has sexual health issues.

- People trying to forecast another injury plagued season for Tom Brady for any or all of the following reasons:
1) He is married to a supermodel.
2) He still has other supermodels drooling over him because of Vitamin Water and Stetson ads.
3) He has the worlds best bodyguards, aka, men who deem it necessary to shoot up Papa Razzi's vehicles during his visits to third world countries, all in the name of New England. Amazing.
4) I'm yet to find a football related reason.

- David Ortiz is the anti-christ, He is a roid-head who obviously did steroids and this is karma coming back to bite him with zero home runs. This recent slump of course has nothing to do with his surgically repaired wrist or his ailing kneecap.

-Manny Ramirez gave Swine Flu to Jack MCormack.

- Van Gundy actually resembles Ron Jeremy. Him and Howard should totally hit up Sasha Grey.

-Manny took steroids. Really.

- Sometimes it's NOT just a bad mood the next day, that throbbing feeling preventing you from thinking straight? is actually the 13 beers you ingested last night (I'm being extremely generous with that number).

Except for the last one, you may or may not have noticed that many of these reasons have nothing to do with game 7 losses this week. I guess this is the best reminder that because we have been so good the past decade--people will jump on the first chance they get--regardless of whether or not it makes any form of sense. I guess bring it on? or not.

Things to remember? Remedies?
Scott Walker you still have a hit on your head within the city limits. Ortiz your still Clutch. Garnett will be back next year. JJ Redick looks like something out of The Gypsy Bar with that hair. Peter Gammons always has something nice to say about someone from the city. Tom, your bodyguards say it all. The best part about a hangover? They are temporary. Drink water.
Go Red Sox.

PS. Feel free to add...I'm never surprised about the constant additions to this list.